


What Do I Want From You?

by Kittygetskilled



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: IM FREAKING OUT, I’ll try to stay in character but 🧑🦲, M/M, Poetry, having another crisis, i guess?, idk man, im just so fucking tired, should I break up with my gf, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittygetskilled/pseuds/Kittygetskilled
Summary: This is a vent fic.I’ve just been freaking out about some shit, and DEH has always been really close to my heart. I identify mostly with Evan, seeing as I have MASSIVE anxiety. And I’m just questioning my sexuality? Like, I think I’m aromantic, but I really like this girl, and I feel like I’m going to mess it up. I’m so fucking terrified.Also some advice would be rlly helpful I’m abt to fucking cry lmao
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	What Do I Want From You?

* * *

Connor, oh Connor. Your personality almost as sharp as the knives of doubt twisting in my gut. 

_“I love you!”_  
He wants to cry out. But he doesn’t know how to say it.

He mourns these forbidden thoughts, hoping it will all disappear. Why can’t he be fucking normal? Why can’t he moan and groan on about love? He wants to relate to the romance songs; to the rom-coms, but he simply cannot.

He can’t accept this ugly part of him. His stutter shutting down any chance to talk about it. Maybe it’ll change?

And oh _god_ does he love Connor, he loves him with his whole heart. At least, he wants to. He longs for their happily ever after, cuddling after having a cup of coffee.

He fantasizes about getting married to the strange loner. Moving in with him, even, but it doesn’t feel right. It never feels right. 

_And he doesn’t want to hurt Connor._

He wants to curl up in a ball and vanish from existence. He wants _**so**_ badly to disappear.


End file.
